WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Notching the first major achievement of his Presidency, Donald Trump has broken the world record for unconstitutional travel bans, the White House confirmed on Wednesday.
In an official statement announcing the new world record, the White House called Trump’s second unconstitutional ban “especially impressive” because it came only thirty-eight days after his first.
“In addition to the world record for unconstitutional travel bans, President Trump has also smashed the speed record for signing them,” the statement read.
Sean Spicer, the White House press secretary, touted the new world record in a press briefing that sometimes resembled a victory lap.
“After the first unconstitutional travel ban, a lot of people questioned whether the President could follow it up with another unconstitutional one so quickly,” a gloating Spicer said. “I think he silenced a lot of doubters today.”
In a tense moment, Spicer lashed out at a reporter who claimed that, by issuing two unconstitutional travel bans in less than two months, Trump had “set the bar too high.”
“The travel ban he is planning to sign tomorrow will be more unconstitutional than the first two travel bans put together,” Spicer snapped.